Am I becoming Pavlov’s dog?
As I come to the end of my 10 day isolation because of my choice to choose health, I am becoming aware of many things. One of the main being, answering texts as soon as I receive them. It’s like I am sitting and waiting to pounce on my phone. I amaze myself how quickly I answer. It’s as if I have nothing else to do but wait for the ping. I jump up in excitement to see who it is. After all, what else do I have to look forward to? Do those who text me think it’s strange that I answer so quickly? Really, in my imagination/reality I am answering within seconds. Now as I step back and look at this habit of mine, I see desperation attached to the quickness of my replies. “The texts are my world. I sit around waiting, waiting, waiting for a text, sometimes texting, to see who I can get a hold of. “ Yet there is another voice speaking and it says, “I am so happy to interact with someone. I will let you know how important you are to me by answering so quickly.” No matter what an individual says, I think human interaction is one of the greatest needs. Why should I be embarrassed by my quick responses? At this present moment I am locked in a hotel room with no one to interact with except by phone, or those in the reception, should they choose to call me. Not even the guy who delivers the meals to my door in a giant paper bag says hello. Now this brings me to a bigger issue facing us in this Covid time- the continual isolation as punishment by those in authority until they get what they want- whatever that is. For me, my sin is coming back from a red list country, making sure I don’t bring that poison into their country. So I am locked up for 10 days, taking a test on day 2 and day 9, to check I am not contaminated. Never mind that I am a healthy person, taking care of my body using natural resources. If I were a bit unstable mentally, this isolation (done at my expense for $1,000) could be the undoing of me. You are left with your own thoughts and plenty of time to think and that, with unstableness, can be detrimental. Unless you are one of those who is able to numb yourself watching endless tv, drinking or taking an aid to help you sleep your days away. And as I ponder my isolation, I am reminded of those esp. the elderly who are kept from their families now- because of lockups oops I mean lockdowns. And for what apparent reason??? Never mind the covid killing them, the utter isolation will do that if this continues.
I think I have digressed but I find writing, when I am struggling with a current situation, helps me deal with them. And my release date is almost upon me. I hope I have learned things about myself that I can change if I don’t like. The jury is still out about me being Pavlov’s dog but I am one step ahead by the awareness of it. That’s all it takes sometimes- being made aware and deciding what is best for you. So I end with these words to ponder by Louise Hay:
We are powerful, creative beings who determine our future with every thought we think and every word we speak.
