I find myself becoming more and more conscious of what I spend my money on. For years, the question I seemed to ask was, “Can I afford it?” And lately, before this current awareness, I have been saying, “Why not? I can afford it.” The former coming from a place of lack for me, the latter, a place of expansion, or so I thought. My thinking was, “I wanted it. I had the money. I have plenty of money.”So I would buy “it”. Now I thought I was responding from a place of abundance but what I was really doing was being unconscious about the whole money issue. I am not saying it is wrong to buy things, spend your money, if you have it. But for me, having spent most of my life with a contracted thinking about money, this was not the way to learn abundance in my life. And the Universe has been showing me this. 
I earn a good wage. I can afford nice things yet I found myself in another country with a few $$ to my name. I seemed to be rich in things but poor in cash. At first I was afraid having so little money but then I was reminded, “Is not the Divine your supply?” “Will he forsake you now?” It took me a few more days to realise these truths and as I did, my heart and mind settled down. Food was inexpensive here. I could buy fresh fruit and veg at a farmer’s market . The issue I faced was being made conscious of what I was spending. Did I have enough? Sure, I wasn’t going to starve even with the little amount I had. Did I want more? Sure, but I didn’t need it. My whole spending life seemed to flash before me. It wasn’t about how much money you had or what you wanted it. It was all about being conscious with the supply you were given.
Now my little flat is full of things-things that tell me I am not poor. In fact, they say I have an abundance. Yet I was continually finding myself with less money than I would have liked and I couldn’t figure it out. Well, maybe you could see it but I couldn’t. Then the realisation of- it all comes down to conscious spending. The money we have is energy and when we waste it by just buying willy nilly and not thinking about the long term affect then we are wasting energy. And yes , we live in an abundant universe but that doesn’t mean we have to squander the abundance.
This is the lesson that I am learning. I sit here with food in my belly and in the fridge and money in my pocket. I started out with what seemed to be so little yet I am at the end of my journey and I have so much. How did this happen? As I said, the earlier version of me would have spent the money on whatever and then sat and lamented on my lack. Yet now, I am rejoicing in all the goodness I have. I was conscious in my spending. I didn’t act from an attitude, “ I want it. I have the money. So I am getting it.” I carefully thought about what I needed and planned accordingly.
I have not graduated yet, by any means but it is a big breakthrough for me. I pray that I will continue in the way of conscious spending, knowing that there is an abundance but I don’t have to buy it all now.
