Fear, Fear, Fear!
Wow! I seem to be filled with it as I travel this covid world. There are so many unknowns yet as I heard this morning on my Yoga retreat- “If your relationship of the unknown is not from love then it’s from fear. “ How very appropriate that I should hear this message today after having a self-pitying meltdown yesterday. “This very moment is Divine-it’s God moment. We need to locate the brilliance in the NOW. You enter a state of struggle when not in the NOW. The Universe is your ally, not your enemy or hostile.”
It’s funny because I thought I was so aware of fear and not living from a place of fear. I seemed to manage the fear in my little bubble world but when I stepped out, it wasn’t the fear of covid that hit me. It was the fear of possibly not seeing my daughter and grandkids after 2 long years. That particular fear kept coming to the forefront as I tried to navigate the testing procedures/requirements for the next part of my journey. Even the fear of lack was trying to sneak back into my thoughts, making my now time, a miserable time. But in this moment, I recognise them for what they are- these fearful thoughts- they are my ego’s interpretation of the unknowns, when in actuality, I have a lot of knowns to be grateful for:
- I am healthy.
- I have food.
- I have a roof over my head.
- I have money in my pocket.
- I am loved.
- I am safe.
I passed a man this morning, sleeping rough outside a church that was filled with people. I said a prayer for him that he may find rest and love in a home of his own. I am so blessed in so many ways, why should I fear? It’s when I am not in the now that I find myself in the fear.
I know I keep writing about fear but it’s because I didn’t know it had such a hold on me. I was deluded in thinking my thoughts were peaceful and my life was peaceful because the fear kept coming at me. Deep down it was there but I kept pushing it further down with my affirmations and desire to not have it. It was so embedded in my thoughts that the affirmations were like water off a duck’s back. No wonder I couldn’t find that elusive peace.
I don’t have all the answers, in fact, I continue to look for them but I do know that once I become aware of something i.e. fear, then its power to control my thoughts and life begins to dissipate. That is why I keep writing about it. It’s not a fight with fear but a recognition that the fear is there and only with this awareness can I truly begin to live a life free of fear.
