I thought I got rid of them. I followed all the advice I had read but they came back so forcefully that I almost collapsed under their weight- those “What ifs” that I thought I’d dealt with. Something came into my life or shall I say into my view. Something that threw me to the “ground” when I thought of the future implications. The What ifs covered me and rendered me useless. But I knew I had to deal with them if I wanted to have my peace and joy back. I spoke. They spoke. I cried. They tortured me more. I praised the Infinite Being. They scoffed, “The future is so black. You’ll be separated from everyone and everthing you ever loved. I cried some more. I read and filled my mind with lovely thoughts. But they hunted me down like a dog with the scent of blood in its nostrils. I tossed and turned, finding no rest. I looked to those – older and wiser. I looked for help, anyone who I thought had more wisdom than I had at the moment.
Then the still small voice inside me said,
“You are wise. You have all the answers within you.”
I said, “I know but…
“No, you have all you need. And all you need right now is to be in the present moment. Have all these bleak things happened?”
“No.”
” Are they happening now, in this very moment?”
“No, but…”
“You will not find peace and rest until you acknowledge the NOW, this moment. The only moment you have is now.”
I cried out, “But the what ifs. It looks like they are coming and I will have to choose my health or the people and things I love.”
“All you have is now. Remember what question you are to ask? What do I want in this moment? Focus on that. Think about that. Do not give the power to your fear. LIving in and with fear will not get you what you want. Trust your desires and wants. Trust the truth regardless of appearances.”
And with those words, I surrendered to the NOW. I surrendered to the thoughts of what I wanted in my life, what I would truly love.
The peace came.
I slept.
I’m sure those what ifs will be back. And you know what? All I have is now and its good, very good.
